By Moose
Illustration Silas Bliss

When I started snooping around Tumblr and actually started using the DirtyComics’ Tumblr blog, I ran into some blogs and memes that talked about doing anal only. Some of my favorite instances in porn (and hell, it’s even fun in my personal life) is when the guy skips vaginal and goes straight into the girl’s butt. It’s like entering on the freeway and going straight to the HOV lane. You don’t have to maneuver thru other lanes or turn, you enter and you’re there. It’s awesome. After I snooped around more and found the Anal Only Lifestyle blog, I realized there are really people out there who practice an ANAL ONLY lifestyle. Wait. Are you fucking kidding me?

I love ass. I practically worship it. Ok, maybe not “practically” I DO worship ass. Ass is what I do for a living. Ass is what I do for fun (drawing it that is…), ass is what I look for when I go to Trader Joes. It’s not a hobby or me being funny, I truly believe female booty keeps my life force going. But to give up vaginal sex all together? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

According to Psychology Today, In the Fifties, anal sex was reported by fewer than fifteen percent of the population. Modern overall rates suggest that around a third of men have performed anal sex on a woman, and slightly fewer women have received anal sex. And it’s safe to say this number continues to increase for men and women.

I’ve heard a lot of talking points from the talking heads on anal sex (or at least why heterosexual men like it). It makes men feel more “raw”, it makes women appear sexier, it’s a domination thing, all sorts of stuff. When anal sex is done right I know women tend to cum faster, more often, and have more intense orgasms. I’ve also heard vaginal sex is painful for some women. I’m a long time fan of pornstar Taylor Rain. Rain did anal back in the days when it was NO where near as common as it is now. I remember reading years ago that her first few sex experiences were painful so when she eventually tried anal, she preferred it.

So I guess the question is, what’s wrong with the vagina? If I drive a 2014 Nissan and bought a second car, a 2016 Honda, I’m not going to not drive the Nissan anymore. It’s just a second car. That’s what the pussy is to me (or the ass, interchange them how you’d like). It’s the other car to take you to where you want to go, and the destination just happens to be Cumville. I bet you never thought you’d see the day that I would defend vaginal sex, huh?

Not only do I enjoy vaginal sex but I think vaginal can be the appetizer to when I get anal. That’s one of the fun things about eating out at a descent restaurant, right? I don’t care if it’s Applebees or a fancy steak house. Ordering appetizers or drinks is fun while you wait on your meal to arrive. Plus while having sex apparently I am greedy. To go from two orifices to play with to one, just doesn’t sound as fun. I don’t like how that math plays out.

As I said in my blog post on fetishes, I respect whatever kind of healthy consensual sex you want to have, and I sure as hell don’t think a lot of anal sex is a bad thing, anal ONLY is just not for me. Unless maybe I divorced and found myself able to date or have a serious relationship with one of my favorite pornstars like Roxy Raye or Proxy Paige. I still don’t know if I could go anal only, but I sure as hell would probably give it the old college try.

Am I crazy? You think anal only is a prefeerred lifestyle? Are you an anal only person who gave up vagina? Let me know @Dirty_Comics or e-mail moose at Dirty Comics.com.